Looking to Heal From a Bad Work Experience? Here's How.
We all hope to find a job that will pay us a reasonable wage to do work we really want to be doing, and many of us are lucky enough to have found or created the opportunity to choose a career that fits well with our personalities, values, and outlook for the future.
Unfortunately, workplace environments, economic woes, and a general lack of support in our jobs can hurt us professionally at any time, and these frustrations can linger for years, leaving us to question what it is we do and why we do it. Consider, for example, the massive waves of layoffs we’re currently experiencing in tech, news, and entertainment, and the recent trend of employees being ghosted by their companies, finding themselves locked out of their email accounts rather than told by their managers that they have been let go.
Whether you have been laid off in an unprofessional manner, been driven out of a job due to high levels of stress and unreasonable demands, or have finally left an environment that had been unhealthy for months or years, true professional maturity lies in the ability to identify, reconcile, and accept the difference between the passion you have for your specific line of work from an unstable or downright toxic environment. It is only through this separation that it will be possible to find the next step in your career.
Read on for some tips on how to separate the two - and how to move forward after a bad experience.
Where Were the Pain Points?
If you’re feeling overwhelmed, it can be easy to feel like everything relating to your recent experience was toxic, but that may or may not be the case. Did the pain points come down to a specific manager, all of upper management, the executive leadership, or the overall culture of the company? Is cultural toxicity the norm across the entire industry?
Be careful not to turn it into a blame game and start pointing fingers; rather, the goal is to identify and separate the good from the bad, then focus on what can be learned from the experience. Every change we encounter can be looked at as a learning opportunity, and finding the value in each situation will be key to moving forward.
Once you identify not only what went wrong in the situation, but also what went right, commit to speaking about the good things out loud and/or writing them in a journal. It’s important to give ourselves space to vent our frustrations and talk through the things that hurt us with close confidants, but studies show that taking those same steps in a positive direction can help us commit better things to memory and improve our overall well-being.
If you find yourself spinning over mistakes you may have made in the situation, try to give yourself some extra grace at this time. Learn what you can from your own mistakes and let go of any guilt you may feel, but also remember not to blame yourself for any actions or events that were outside your control.
Reflect on Why You Chose Your Path - And What Lies Ahead
When feeling down about how a certain situation has turned out, it’s normal to start asking bigger questions about your overall profession. Some of them come from a place of anxiety or fear (Did I choose the wrong major all the way back in college? Should I bother job hunting if I’m just going to be replaced by A.I. anyway?), but don’t forget to ask the positive questions, too. What about this profession, out of so many professions in the world, called you to it in the first place? Was it the feeling of satisfaction you get when you know you’re good at something AND you enjoy it? Was it an opportunity to learn about a part of the world that is of particular interest to you? What is it that you value, and how do you personally communicate those values to others in your professional network?
Narrowing down not just what you like about your profession, but the reasons why you like it, will help you regroup and determine what may be next for you after going through a difficult time. If you have been micromanaged or denied the opportunity to really flex your creativity, now is the time to reconnect with the vision for how your work reflects your values and reclaim your passion, your talent, and your sense of confidence in being good at what you do.
Contrary to what many of us are conditioned to believe, it is not inherently wrong or selfish to approach every job opportunity asking, “what can I get out of this”? How a future opportunity aligns with your dreams and values is a valid question. If you’re finding it difficult to sift through the minutiae of some of these questions, private coaching can be a good way to sort through the noise and find your true passion amidst the chaos.
Remember, a Growth Mindset, or the belief that talent can be nurtured and skills can be learned, will be extremely valuable at this pivotal time. If there is a particular direction you would like to pursue or a learning opportunity ahead, give yourself the benefit of the doubt and don’t be afraid to embrace the chance to grow.
Take Time to Heal
American workers in particular are not very good at taking time off to heal; we’re one of two nations in the entire world that does not guarantee parental leave, we don’t mandate sick pay, and those of us who are granted sick and vacation time at work too often don’t use it.
It’s tough to allow ourselves to slow down for a minute, especially in a tough economic time where we feel we have to dive into full-time job hunting after a bad experience has led to the need to quit or to be let go from a job. However, time to de-stress is not a luxury, it is a necessity. Our bodies are designed to contain just enough energy to get through one day at a time; resting in between is not optional. The same is true for taking time to rest in between leaving a bad environment and entering a newer, healthier one. Your next move is going to bring you much more joy and a greater sense of hope if you go into it feeling rested and confident.
There’s an important difference between self-care and resiliency, and now is the time to embrace both of those things. Take care of your body with sleep, exercise, the occasional digital detox, and take a step back to appreciate the big picture as well: better things can come as a result of a temporary setback.
Know You Are Not Alone
The truth of the matter is, we’re living in a tough time, professionally and economically speaking. We’re all living with high rates of stress and burnout and rampant inflation is squeezing people from coast to coast. With so many people feeling overwhelmed, don’t forget to reach out to your network. Current or former mentors can help you reconnect to the passion you felt for your craft, alumni services or brunch with old classmates can reignite what it felt like to be in an environment where you constantly learned new things, and keeping in touch with others in your field who may have experienced similar hurdles in their career can remind you to look out for one another.
Meaningful connections can be formed when we go through tough times together, and looking to others whom we admire, even if they’re not in our specific line of work, can be enlightening; for example, those in creative industries are particularly used to uncertainty and separating their own individual passions from the toxicity of difficult environments.
While giving yourself space to reflect, regroup, heal, and build a sense of resiliency, fill your time with things that bring you joy as much as possible - and make an effort to do the same for others who may be in the same boat.
About the Author
Jackie Miller launched Bespoken in 2015 to channel years of professional performance experience into techniques that improve public speaking, presenting, and professional communication skills. She holds a B.F.A. and M.A. both from New York University’s Tisch School of the Arts.
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